She Will...

Tuesday Night…I go to Carmella’s house to hang out, and after briefly taking a call from my mom; I realize my car registration is due…by midnight. My registration, weighing in at $198 is up from $148 the previous year. YES, UP FROM THE PREVIOUS YEAR! So I get online and try to fill out the form. It calls for my license plate number, which I can’t remember, so I walk down the street to my car to write it down, then walk back, enter it in only to find out I also need the number from the renewal form they sent me in the mail. That form was is at my house. Boo!

“Try calling” said Carmella, so I pick up the phone and call. It’s an automated male-voiced system which requires you to talk. “You can say renew a license, car registration…” “Car Registration” “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your response, you can say renew a license, car registra-“ “CAR REGISTRATION!” “Okay, you can say renew registration –“ “renew registration.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your response, you can say“ “RENEW REGISTRATION.” After struggling some more with the machine I ascertain that I still need both my license plate number and the renewal notice number. Double Boo…I decided to do it later when I got home.

I fell asleep while watching teli, and woke up at 11:30 despite the alarm I set for myself. I go home, find the notice and call back. After going through the ridiculous yelling process again I enter in my debit card number. “I’m sorry, that account cannot be located.” I try again, “I’m sorry, that account cannot be located.” Umm, yeah, so I try my credit card number. “I’m sorry, that account cannot be located.” I try one more time and then it says “Phone technicians are not able to process credit cards over the phone.” “WHAT?!!” So, I pick up my computer (it is now 11:42pm) and try to go online, but it is not working so I dash out the door, desperate to make it back to Carmella’s before midnight when the bill goes up to $133. I call her on the way and she processes it for me and prints out a confirmation. Ahh, that’s what friends are for.

Now Midnight, I get home, eager to fall into my bed and go into a deep sleep. Upon entering my room I hear a familiar sound - - My neighbour playing on the guitar. He likes to play late at night, but usually stops after 20 minutes, so I decide to hang up my recently washed clothes. He continues to play and violently bang on the ground, resulting in my floor shaking to the beat. I tried knocking on the wall to no avail. I can’t make out what he’s singing, but after 20 minutes I start contemplating my options. I think about playing my guitar back and singing loudly, but abort that plan when I realize my guitar would have to be tuned first, and since I only remember a few chords, I’d have to use my chord chart cheat sheet to play anything. And since I’m so rusty, I would probably switch chords very slowly. Then I think about singing opera really loud, but abort that plan because I’m too tired to put forth the effort. It’s 12:30 and as I deliriously fuddle around my room I consider going next door to ask him to stop. I was wearing a skimpy nightie, so I didn’t want to go..(I was too tired to realize I could just put a robe on). Then I think about how the skimpy nightie might work to my advantage, he could take pity on me and stop playing. Then I think, “What if he’s an axe murderer and this is the way he lures people in.” My roommate, Ashley, was house-sitting so if I went over there and was captured no one would know what happened to me.

So…I decided to bear with it, thinking he would stop soon. At 12:40 I hear a familiar song and start singing along. “Beauty queen of only 18 she..OH WAIT!” I think to myself, “I’m supposed to be sleeping not singing along.” Then he gets to the chorus, “she will..she will…sheeee wi-, she wi-, she wil- SHE wi-, SHE will, SHE WI-, SHEEEEEE WI-“ He can’t quite get the note on “will,” but continues to try. “WI-WI-WILL…WI-…WILL…WI-WILLLLL” I am standing staring agape at the wall. “No,” I think to myself, “this can’t be happening. He can’t possibly be trying to fix this now.” I mutter vehemently towards the wall, “12: 43 is NOT the time to work on your voice..if you can’t sing it you need to try a different key or a different song.” “she will..she will…sheeee wi-, she wi-, she wil- SHE wi-, SHE will, SHE WI-, SHEEEEEE WI-“ This goes on for a little bit..with a little strumming between tries. “WILL..WILLL” Soon, he sings a different song and I begin to pray out loud, looking up at God and beseeching Him to take pity on my tired, weary, delirious soul. Thankfully, at 12:59 exactly, I hear the guitar hit the wall and then I heard water running..maybe the shower. Doesn't matter - the singing stopped and I was able to sleep in peace. Selah.

Email from Mom

Here's an email I got yesterday:

I'm going to send Arnold(too hard to take the time to spell schwarzenegger and get it right without looking it up) after you if you continue to refuse to "PAY THE BILL!"
Anyway, LAST month's Verizon is $64.00. THIS coming month, due OCTOBER 1st, is $61.00.
I know you mentioned it, but the LATE NOTICE is here.
Both Bills will be $125.00.
You working -- Pay Yo' Bills.

der mutter