She Will...

Tuesday Night…I go to Carmella’s house to hang out, and after briefly taking a call from my mom; I realize my car registration is due…by midnight. My registration, weighing in at $198 is up from $148 the previous year. YES, UP FROM THE PREVIOUS YEAR! So I get online and try to fill out the form. It calls for my license plate number, which I can’t remember, so I walk down the street to my car to write it down, then walk back, enter it in only to find out I also need the number from the renewal form they sent me in the mail. That form was is at my house. Boo!

“Try calling” said Carmella, so I pick up the phone and call. It’s an automated male-voiced system which requires you to talk. “You can say renew a license, car registration…” “Car Registration” “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your response, you can say renew a license, car registra-“ “CAR REGISTRATION!” “Okay, you can say renew registration –“ “renew registration.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your response, you can say“ “RENEW REGISTRATION.” After struggling some more with the machine I ascertain that I still need both my license plate number and the renewal notice number. Double Boo…I decided to do it later when I got home.

I fell asleep while watching teli, and woke up at 11:30 despite the alarm I set for myself. I go home, find the notice and call back. After going through the ridiculous yelling process again I enter in my debit card number. “I’m sorry, that account cannot be located.” I try again, “I’m sorry, that account cannot be located.” Umm, yeah, so I try my credit card number. “I’m sorry, that account cannot be located.” I try one more time and then it says “Phone technicians are not able to process credit cards over the phone.” “WHAT?!!” So, I pick up my computer (it is now 11:42pm) and try to go online, but it is not working so I dash out the door, desperate to make it back to Carmella’s before midnight when the bill goes up to $133. I call her on the way and she processes it for me and prints out a confirmation. Ahh, that’s what friends are for.

Now Midnight, I get home, eager to fall into my bed and go into a deep sleep. Upon entering my room I hear a familiar sound - - My neighbour playing on the guitar. He likes to play late at night, but usually stops after 20 minutes, so I decide to hang up my recently washed clothes. He continues to play and violently bang on the ground, resulting in my floor shaking to the beat. I tried knocking on the wall to no avail. I can’t make out what he’s singing, but after 20 minutes I start contemplating my options. I think about playing my guitar back and singing loudly, but abort that plan when I realize my guitar would have to be tuned first, and since I only remember a few chords, I’d have to use my chord chart cheat sheet to play anything. And since I’m so rusty, I would probably switch chords very slowly. Then I think about singing opera really loud, but abort that plan because I’m too tired to put forth the effort. It’s 12:30 and as I deliriously fuddle around my room I consider going next door to ask him to stop. I was wearing a skimpy nightie, so I didn’t want to go..(I was too tired to realize I could just put a robe on). Then I think about how the skimpy nightie might work to my advantage, he could take pity on me and stop playing. Then I think, “What if he’s an axe murderer and this is the way he lures people in.” My roommate, Ashley, was house-sitting so if I went over there and was captured no one would know what happened to me.

So…I decided to bear with it, thinking he would stop soon. At 12:40 I hear a familiar song and start singing along. “Beauty queen of only 18 she..OH WAIT!” I think to myself, “I’m supposed to be sleeping not singing along.” Then he gets to the chorus, “she will..she will…sheeee wi-, she wi-, she wil- SHE wi-, SHE will, SHE WI-, SHEEEEEE WI-“ He can’t quite get the note on “will,” but continues to try. “WI-WI-WILL…WI-…WILL…WI-WILLLLL” I am standing staring agape at the wall. “No,” I think to myself, “this can’t be happening. He can’t possibly be trying to fix this now.” I mutter vehemently towards the wall, “12: 43 is NOT the time to work on your voice..if you can’t sing it you need to try a different key or a different song.” “she will..she will…sheeee wi-, she wi-, she wil- SHE wi-, SHE will, SHE WI-, SHEEEEEE WI-“ This goes on for a little bit..with a little strumming between tries. “WILL..WILLL” Soon, he sings a different song and I begin to pray out loud, looking up at God and beseeching Him to take pity on my tired, weary, delirious soul. Thankfully, at 12:59 exactly, I hear the guitar hit the wall and then I heard water running..maybe the shower. Doesn't matter - the singing stopped and I was able to sleep in peace. Selah.